A gentle guide from Dr Ray Baxter
How do I know when it’s time?
Almost every family I meet asks me this. I wish there were one clear sign or one perfect moment. Usually, there isn’t.
Not sure what you’re seeing? Show me.
I offer free video calls. Point the camera at your pet and we can talk through what’s worrying you. You don’t need to show your face, and there’s no pressure to book.
Most of the time it is a collection of small changes: the walk that has become a struggle, the meal left unfinished, the night they cannot settle, or the things they once loved slowly dropping away. When you are caring for them every day, those changes can be hard to see. Love has a way of helping us adapt to almost anything.
When I sit with a family, I’m looking at two things: is your animal ready, and are you ready? Both matter.
My first responsibility is to your pet. I will always be honest about what I see and speak for them when they cannot speak for themselves. But I also know that you are the one who loves them, knows their normal, and has to live with this decision. I am not there to pressure you or take the decision away from you.
I’ll never rush you. But I also won’t hide what I see. My job is to help you understand what is happening, what can still be helped, and whether there is time to think—or whether waiting risks turning a peaceful goodbye into a crisis.
What “ready” can look like for your pet
I am not just asking whether your pet is eating or whether they can still wag their tail. I look at the whole animal and the pattern over time.
Comfort: Are pain, panting, pacing, trembling, crying, hiding or restlessness becoming harder to control?
Breathing: Can they breathe easily and lie down comfortably, or does every breath take effort?
Eating and drinking: Are they enjoying food, eating only with coaxing, or regularly turning away? One missed meal is not the answer, but a continuing change matters.
Movement and toileting: Can they get up, move around and toilet without repeated falls, fear, pain or distress?
Rest: Are they sleeping peacefully, or are they exhausted but unable to settle?
Connection: Do they still seek you out, notice what is happening around them and enjoy their familiar routines?
Their ordinary joys: Is there still something in the day that feels like them—a slow sniff outside, lying in the sun, a favourite treat, following you from room to room?
The direction things are heading: Is treatment restoring comfort, or are the difficult days becoming more frequent despite everything you are doing?
One sign rarely makes the decision on its own. What matters is the whole picture, whether there is a realistic way to make things better, and where that picture is heading.
If you are unsure about their breathing, movement or whether something you are seeing could be pain, you are welcome to call me for a free video call. Point the camera at your pet and show me what is worrying you. If they are struggling to breathe or are severely distressed, contact an emergency vet straight away rather than waiting for a video call.
Three ordinary joys. Seven honest days.
If you are going around in circles, this is a simple exercise I often suggest.
Write down three ordinary things that make your pet themselves. Not the big milestone moments—the small things. Greeting you at the door. Eating breakfast. Sleeping comfortably beside you. Going outside for a sniff.
At the end of each day, mark it as comfortable, mixed or hard. Try not to judge the whole situation by one unusually good morning or one awful night. Look for the pattern.
Take a short video every few days. Film them getting up, walking, breathing at rest or doing one of those three things. Gradual change is difficult to recognise when you see it every day. A video can make the change clearer. You can text those videos to me, or call for a free live video chat so I can guide you through what I need to see. You do not need to wait seven days to ask for help if something is worrying you.
After seven days, look back. Are they still able to enjoy most of those small things? Are the comfortable moments real and sustained, or are you working harder and harder to create them? This is not a test with a pass mark. It is simply a way to step back from one emotional moment and see the pattern more clearly.
Your readiness matters too
Being ready does not mean wanting it to happen. Nobody wants this. It means you understand what is happening, what options are left, and why a decision may protect your pet from suffering that cannot be reversed.
You may need to ask the same question more than once. You may need time to speak with your family, understand what the visit will involve, organise aftercare, or simply let the reality catch up with you. That is okay. If there is safe time, I will give you that time.
There is also an honest boundary. If I believe your pet is suffering and that waiting is no longer fair to them, I will tell you clearly. Not to push you, but because they need someone in the room whose only job is to speak for them.
If your family cannot agree
This happens more often than people realise. Different family members may see the pet at different times of day, help with different parts of their care, or be at different places emotionally.
Ask each person to write down the same three ordinary joys and privately mark the comfortable, mixed and hard days. Then compare what you are seeing. Sometimes the disagreement becomes easier to understand. If it does not, an in-home quality-of-life assessment gives everyone a chance to ask questions and hear the same honest veterinary opinion.
It is not too early to call
You do not have to call me and say, “I am ready to book euthanasia.” You can call and say, “I’m worried, I’m not sure, and I need someone to help me make sense of what I’m seeing.”
I offer free video calls. Sometimes it is much easier to show me than to find the words. Call me on 0404 292 307 and we can switch to video. You do not need to show your own face—just point the camera at your pet.
You can also text me a video. A live call is particularly helpful because I can guide you through what I want to see: how they are breathing at rest, how they get up and move, or their gum colour if it is safe and comfortable to show me. There is no need to make them walk or handle their mouth if it causes distress.
We can talk through what looks normal, what concerns me, and whether there may be signs of pain, breathing difficulty or another problem. I can explain what to watch for and whether they need to be seen in person.
A video call does not replace a physical examination and cannot rule out serious illness. Some things, including gum colour, can be difficult to judge on camera. But it can be a very useful first conversation when you are worried and unsure what to do next.
A quality-of-life or palliative-care consultation can be a place to start. Sometimes there are sensible changes that can improve comfort and give you more good time together. Sometimes the kindest thing I can offer is clarity and a plan, so you are not forced to make decisions in the middle of a crisis.
Read about quality-of-life, palliative care and in-home euthanasia options
When not to wait
Severe difficulty breathing, collapse, uncontrolled bleeding, repeated seizures, inability to urinate, a suddenly swollen abdomen, severe distress or pain that is not settling can be emergencies. Contact your nearest emergency veterinary hospital straight away. Ray of Light Vet is a mobile palliative and end-of-life service and cannot replace emergency treatment.
Questions I am often asked
My pet is still eating. Does that mean it is too soon?
Not necessarily. Appetite is one part of quality of life, not the whole answer. Some pets keep eating while pain, breathlessness, anxiety, weakness or confusion are significantly affecting the rest of their day.
Something that surprises many people is that some illnesses can actually make pets much hungrier. Cushing’s disease in dogs and hyperthyroidism in cats are two examples. Some become ravenous and may still eat enthusiastically even when they are unwell or experiencing pain from another condition.
That can make this decision particularly hard. Of course it feels reassuring to see them enjoying a meal. It is still a positive part of their day, but it cannot tell us on its own how comfortable they are overall.
These conditions can come with other clues. A dog with Cushing’s may drink and urinate more, pant more, develop a pot belly or lose hair. A cat with hyperthyroidism may lose weight despite eating more, seem restless or become more vocal. I can help you consider whether that pattern warrants investigation, including during a free video call. An examination and appropriate tests are needed to diagnose the cause.
Both conditions can often be treated or managed; a diagnosis alone does not mean it is time for euthanasia. We come back to the whole animal, what can still be helped, and their quality of life—not just whether the food bowl is empty.
What if today is a good day?
A good day matters. Enjoy it. But place it beside the previous week or month rather than asking it to carry the whole decision. The pattern tells us more than a single day.
What if my pet perks up when you arrive?
That is very common. Adrenaline, a new person or a change in the room can briefly lift them. I will listen to what you have been seeing at home and consider their history, videos and day-to-day pattern—not just the few minutes after I walk through the door.
Does contacting you mean I have made the decision?
No. A conversation or quality-of-life assessment is not a commitment to euthanasia. It is a chance to understand what your pet may be experiencing and what the realistic options are.
Can palliative care give us more time?
Sometimes, yes. The goal is not simply more time at any cost; it is more comfortable time. If symptoms can be managed and your pet still has meaningful enjoyment, palliative care may help. If comfort cannot be restored, I will be honest about that too.
If you are reading this because something has changed
You do not need perfect words and you do not need to be certain. Tell me your pet’s name, what has changed, and what you are most worried about. We can start there. If it is easier to show me, ask for a free video call or text me a video of your pet. You do not have to work it all out on your own.
Call Dr Ray on 0404 292 307
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— Dr Ray Baxter